Renewal

Guild Wars 2 Screenshot 2018.04.26 - 01.05.18.31

It’s been about… 3 months in total, since I last updated. We’re near the end of April, and I’m actually floored by how much I have changed, legitimately for the better.

My very large slump, or rather depressive sinkhole is finally being taken care of, I’ve peeked my head out, and am walking on solid ground. It’s been a longer journey than even I realized.

My mind has been an unfamiliar racing comet lately, so I’ll try to keep this short.

  • I’m no longer being kicked out of my residency. I’m actually planning to move to the 2nd floor where the main residency rooms are around July. Two of my fellow renters/roomies are tentatively moving to NYC. Veronica is from the Bronx natively, and Luke wants to pursue a career in scriptwriting.
  • TBH Luke is a terrible writer who baises all his plots around drugs and they’re so cliche it’s.. ugh. Maybe NYC will punch some reality in him, because if it doesn’t he’s going to sink.
  • Veronica will do just fine, and honestly I hope Luke doesn’t drag her down. They’re moving together for rent halving so idk.
  • I’m going to miss the shit out of Veronica to be sure, but I absolutely know we’ll keep in touch.
  • I’m going to bug Veronica for NYC news so much she’ll probably get sick of me haha. I love NYC. I’m so very, very jealous she’s moving there :D
  • A reason to visit I’m sure <3

 

  • I’ve been off my meds approximately since mid-January.
  • I’m coming to realize the gravity of being on meds since I was 8 years old.
  • I’m very glad to be off them, and I don’t regret stopping them.
  • My sorrow and anger towards the realizations I’m having are very potent right now.
  • I won’t get better, recover, and move on if I don’t let this pass. All I can do is not let it overwhelm me.

 

  • I get to job hunt again. I’m not wanting another office job off the bat, and really I don’t even expect myself to ever do well in a traditional office environment.
  • This has more to do with being a woman than being autistic, so I’m really not going to even attempt this avenue.
  • I need to contact TPI, just so they can “officially” take me off their employment roster. They stopped messaging me via text once I muted and ignored enough messages, but I’m not surprised they’ve not sent me an official dismissal, because sending me that would be admitting their profit-pet-project failed.
  • I’m very salty and almost hateful towards TPI at this point and there’s no point in hiding it.

 

  • After a large radio silence I attempted and though I had made a start of a working relationship with my mother.
  • She almost immediately went back to her Narc Sociopath ways with little effort.
  • “Burned” is putting it… lightly.

 

  • Johann has been very gentle with me literally almost these past two years, even more so since my birthday meltdown.
  • For those not in-the-know Johann is my long-distance, Filipino Boyfriend of 6+ years.
  • Both our stress levels have been on a wire, not even starting with me.
  • The fact that I’m recovering means we don’t need to be so guarded, and we can go back to being comfortable with each other again <3

 

  • I’ve not touched Skyrim in almost 2 months. What I can describe best as the “Special Edition Port Whine Fandom” has been all over oldrim – aka Legendary PC edition Nexus in such rabbid force, it’s turned myself, and SEVERAL other modders cold to modding in their tracks.
  • Some Skyrim fans are literally only going to LE Nexus to binge gripe as “requests” to port to Special Edition. I banned a user from ALL MY MODS after they left an irritatingly selfish comment on one mod.
  • When I researched their post history I found out that is all they were posting on nexus. Port requests. Not thanks, not even comments on any Special Edition Mods, just LE mod page comments with the “SE when?” as the core content.
  • I’m beyond livid.

 

I’ll end it there for bullet points. My modders feet are almost frost-bittenly cold, but I’ve been getting back into Guild Wars 2 because of it and that’s actually pretty great.

The featured screen is of Navet Peurose, who’s name is literally “little pink turnip” in french.

He’s linked with my other 3 Sylvari characters into “Necromancer” lore. A novel cannon that is actually very old but pretty under-developed. He’s french by name and nature, but the way I sculpted his face comes across as Japanese/Ethiopian and honestly I love it.

He’s Revenant class, and my first Male Sylvari, as the other 3 are chicks. I’d also never done the “where life goes” 2nd tier personal story somehow, and I wanted to see Malyck. His story is very ingrained in lore, especially Heart of Thorns, and even sylvari as a big point of GW2 plot as a whole. So I obviously wanted to see it first hand.

I had a free Character Slot given with the Path of Fire Gem Store upgrade I bought. I bought it for the Lily of the Elon pass because fuck porting to Amnoon from legit anywhere. The pack was on sale in March and TBH that NEVER happens. Damn right I nabbed it.

~~~

My recovery has been well deserved, and it’ll take a lot to unravel 30 years of abuse, 22 of those years from unneeded medication.

Here’s to the future.

2 thoughts on “Renewal

  1. mikiyatakimoto says:

    Hi. Random Japanese gamer here.
    I don’t presume to understand what you went and going through but can sympathize as someone with ADHD and Bipolar.
    Just wanted wish you the best and remind you that you can take as much time off from modding as you want. Skyrim will probably still be out there for another ten years lol

    Like

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