I’m so sick. So tired of being everyone’s wooden pirouette. Even puppets need guidance to move.
Jocelyne has been trying to drag me to “confirm” a housing place for myself. One that’s not here. She’s willing to pay 3 months of fees to store my “belongings” in a storage place. Belongings? Who’s?
I won’t dance like slave for her, I’ll dance, but not the way she like, the way she thinks I need to.
I’m so sick of being asked question only for those who ask me to not listen to my answer. I’ll say something so definitive, and it will be stepped on with such passive-aggression.
I wanted to dress up just in pants and a bra and brush my hair. She kept telling me I could “Come as you are.” meaning, pajama pants, no shoes.
Fuck you. I want to do this. Don’t deter every decision I make with “It doesn’t matter.”
YES it fucking does! You want me to be independent but only your way, which isn’t independence!! You won’t tell me how you even want me to do it! You just expect me to know.
WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK.
YOU SAY MY MOTHER WAS UNKIND, AND YOU’RE DOING EXACTLY WHAT SHE DID.
You came into my room, and asked “What have you found?” as if that’s all I’d done, was look up how to do as you wished.
You said before you left, as I froze, twitch, couldn’t look at you, and couldn’t say a word, because you wouldn’t listen to it, “I just wanted to give you my attention.”
I don’t want you attention, that’s not what you give me. That would require you to listen.